When you were a kid you'd play games. Whether they were board games or computer games or something on the xbox that I don't understand ! Children play games. When you're a kid playing games on your mums laptop and it starts going wrong; you pressed the wrong button by accident or you made a move you regret and you know then that you're going to lose. What do you do? You quit.
You see you're going to lose, you get scared, you quit. Fresh start, clean slate, no one has to know.
Humans are obsessed with fresh starts and clean slates and have somehow become convinced that they're impossible to have unless you move away, scrap everything and everyone and create a completely new situation. But as you grow up you have to realise, I've had to realise. That just simply isn't always possible. Isn't that terrifying ?
As you grow up it's a shock to the system when YOU do something wrong and it is YOUR fault and you CAN'T change it and you have no choice but to stand by yourself to fix and make up for what you've done because there's no 'Exit Game' button in the corner and you can't always runaway and promise yourself nothing will go wrong in your new start because it will. Things go wrong and it's very, very hard but you've got to work through them, face the consequences and believe that one day it will be alright again because it will and probably sooner than you think.
It is so easy to convince yourself that you can't change anything, that you've gone to far this time and you're in to deep and you're drowning and you're scared ... you forget you can swim. Difficult and impossible are different words.
" When you're going through hell, keep going "
- Winston Churchill
Yes, it is difficult to persevere and own up to what you've done and face it head on because there's no other way, but it's necessary and you will get through it. Something I've found helpful in these situations is the Buddhist concept of impermanence. This reminds us that nothing is permanent neither good or bad, I find this very comforting .
At the minute I am in this situation. If this was a game I would quit and start again but I've ran way enough. I can't just keep moving on to get away from the problems . I must own up to them, I've run out of options, I have to face this head on and I am going to, this time. I need to accept that no where I go in life will be perfect, life isn't meant to be perfect but you have to admit that so you can accept , work through and move on from those imperfections and then be happy :)
I'd love to hear your thought and experiences on this because it's something very new to me !
Stay Strong <3 Stay Smiley :)
Lots of love, Marianne xxx